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Monday, February 02, 2009

How I Like My Art

By James Gilbert Pynn

Attention, class. I would like, if I may, to say a few words about something that is very near and dear to my art heart: art. Im not talking about scissors and construction paper art, mind you. Im talking about a type of art that is miles and away superior. Im talking about crayons and markers and coloring books. Im talking about free-flowing, jaw-dropping works of pure expressionism. Im talking about work so good, youve got to put it on a shirt " that kind of total awesome-ness cant be found in any old place and certainly not in some kindergarten class.

I need options, people. How crazy is that? Thirteen kinds of mustard at the corner shop and I'm crazy because I want art options? What I want is awesome art that can be applied, as the whim strikes me, on any surface. By any surface, I really mean three specific surfaces: clothing, canvas, matte boards " and in frames. Wait, thats four surfaces. Though, Im not convinced a frame is a technical surface. Its an encasing and regardless, I want my art where I want it. Avast, me hardies!

Know what else I like? Irreverence. And my art mounted on gatorboard. Nevermind the bullocks and nevermind that chipboard nonsense. I want my art to be showcased like a regular Picasso, right about the mantle, like a proper gentleman. And none of this quick-fading matte board business either. I cant keep the sun completely out of my flat! It still manages to get in through the cracks, no matter how hard I try. And who said ready-to-hang art isnt keeping it real " I keep things very real!

Who's not real? Besides, how real is it to slap your art onto some canvas and thumbtack it to the wall erratically? Pretty real! Why canvas? you ask. Allow me, if I may, to explain how totally cool having some great art on canvas is. Its really cool. You can chop it up and stitch it onto your favorite denim jacket " or even your Ramones-inspired Schott. Yo. Gabba. Gabba. Or you can fold it like a hanky and stun your date when he or she needs to blows his or her nose.

Hey, hands off the frame! Youll get your grubby fingerprints all over the ultra-clear Perspex front! You ingrate! Thats a quality timber frame and high-tension wire cable to hang it from on the back. Youd think youd never seen art prints in a frame before. Oh, and what about putting some rad art on t-shirts that werent assembled for two cents in some horrible sweatshop? How hard could that be? Gratitude, thats what Im talking about. A little bit goes a long way.

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